


Heal, Connect, Manage the Fear

by LPFA72



Category: Message Man (2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 04:03:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21403882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LPFA72/pseuds/LPFA72
Summary: After Ryan, Jenti and the children recover, they start to make a life together.  Ryan is moving on instinct here, having never connected with anyone in the past, let alone connecting as if they had been a family all along.  He has never been so terrified.(My first ever fan fiction...be gentle).
Relationships: Ryan Teller/Jenti
Kudos: 2





	1. Ache

He caught the light floral scent as soon as he stepped off the dock onto the sandy shore. Though the fragrance was extremely faint, his reaction was visceral—instantaneous. He felt his lower abdominals tighten, and his shoulders and head angled up. He experienced the early movement of blood to his cock, knowing that if he wasn’t careful to manage his thoughts and emotions, he would soon embarrass himself by tenting his cotton drawstring pants.

Jojoba oil, infused with essences from local flowers, and Jenti herself. She used it on her skin and the ends of her hair, and the bouquet instantly brought memories of her beautiful, kind, brown eyes, and the feel of her soft, black hair on his fingers. It brought thoughts about sitting together, her low back against his groin, his legs spread around her, as he brushed her hair, sometimes braiding, sometimes letting it fall loose. He often leaned in, inhaling, feeling as though he wanted to bring her inside himself. Careful not to let his body divulge his feelings, not to make her uneasy or hesitant to be near him again. 

He marveled at her resilience. She had a painful recovery, with contusions and broken ribs, and a terrible gash in her lower left abdomen. She had lost so much blood, and the local women had fear filled eyes when he came back to retrieve her. Now, 5 months later, she and Doni were both fully healed, at least, their tissues were. She used her special oil on the wounds once they closed, and somehow the scars were smaller than he thought possible. That was it, the scent brought a mix of admiration and almost reverent aching when he caught it on the wind. Desiring her in every way, and wanting to be worthy of her admiration.

After the events in Jakarta, after the brutality that he had to release in order to get Doni and Dewi back from Lee, after his own grievous wounds, sometimes…he only wanted to lay her head in his lap, and stroke her temples and shoulders. They had worked together to nurture the children through their healing, and their nightmares. After his bullet wounds and sliced flesh had knit back together enough to allow it, he had begun to nurture her as well. He amazed himself. He found the impulse to soothe and console, never before imagining that he was capable of such gentle affection. He sometimes held Dewi in his lap, his arm around Jenti, and as they slept without nightmares, he found himself overwhelmed by the intimacy and their trust in him. He was unaccustomed to tender emotions, let alone their expression. He nearly wept when Dewi snuggled into his side, murmuring what sounded like “papi”. 

The feelings of protective, fierce devotion that had grown so quickly for Doni, Jenti and Dewi, were shocking in their power. He was deeply frightened by them, sometimes waking in the night, frantic with thoughts that they had all died after all and that his experiences of tender closeness were only a dream. He was not accustomed to yearning like this, to the sometimes desperate need to be joined with them. It was at once luxuriant, and alarming. The knowledge of the bone deep devastation that would infect him if he lost them…sometimes it made him breath hard when he wasn’t even moving. The worst of the haunting memories frequently intruded: when he first saw Jenti’s form—thinking that they had beaten and stabbed her to death, only to experience a staggering jolt of adrenaline when she coughed, and he realized there was still hope. 

How wonderful he felt when giving his little speech to the vile captain. He felt…gleeful when he drew the knife slowly across the fucker’s throat. It was a new experience, killing with righteous wrath filling him. How unlike him, to have a sense of frenzy, instead of the quiet methodical precision he was used to. He was aware of the small smile that appeared, unbidden, as he remembered the feeling he had when he killed the fucking pigs that had harmed the family, so that they would not be able to harm again. He also knew that Doni would probably disapprove if he knew the extent of the death he brought, given how the boy reacted when his rooster died. Sometimes, there was a melancholy tinge to the gratitude generated by knowing that it was all over—along with disappointment that there would be no more excuses for him to release ferocious violence.

All of this passed through his mind, as he calmly walked along the path toward their new land-based home. Any onlookers would never have seen any indication of distress or emotion, he seemed utterly composed. Inside, he felt such a myriad of emotions, and had such an array of memories that he felt almost dizzy. The scent was there again, borne along a friendly draft of air, as if he was able to call it to himself. Shiny, black, fragrant hair, smooth skin, warm smell of coconut shrimp cooking—his mind conjures all of this as he walks up to the house. How could someone as monstrous as he be allowed to feel so cherished and welcome?

After the systematic dismemberment of Lee’s organization, they had little to fear. They found a small setting on an island not far from Jenti’s birthplace. This is where they healed, interspersed with weeks on the water in their boat. He chuckled, he had begun thinking of his possessions as their possessions sometime in the early days, and every once in a while, he found it surprising to realize he was thinking this way. Years (decades to be accurate) of time spent alone seemed to have simply fallen by the wayside, much more easily than he would have thought possible. 

The small house, garden, chicken coop and goats were slowly being refined and improved. The simple pleasure of building something had become part of his daily life. It was easy as well to spend hours working with Doni, teaching him methods and techniques for farming, and fishing, and raising animals. He knew that sometime soon he would continue the boy’s training in self and other defense, perhaps even move on to firearms after knives. He knew that Jenti would approve without having to ask her. 

They had grown closer, something he didn’t think was possible for him. He told her much of his past, though not all. He found himself talking much more in depth and for longer, than he anticipated. Her steady, open, non-judgmental expressions were so compelling. They had fallen into the rhythm of a married couple who considered each other very close friends. They easily moved around the small kitchen and house, never colliding or out of sync, even though he felt enormous and sluggish around her slender, graceful form. 

Their house had what for this part of the world was a highly sought-after feature—multiple bedrooms. Although from the outside it would appear, to Western eyes, as a fairly large shack, Ryan knew that to Jenti and the children, it was extravagant. Each child had a room to themselves, and Ryan felt delight when witnessing their excitement about decorating according to what they wanted, knowing that it truly was their decision. Ryan and Jenti had only been sharing a room in the last few weeks, now that his injuries and lung damage allowed him to sleep without being upright. 

Sleeping with Jenti was a source of solace for Ryan. He would never have guessed that it would soothe him like it did. He felt her warmth, heard her steady deep breathing, and it was so peaceful. The couple often cuddled together now, under the soft cotton sheets. Working together in the house or grounds, or the close quarters of the boat, there were many caresses in passing from Jenti. She would pull her palm across his shoulders, and run her fingers through his hair. He found himself devising strategies to be close to her, as if they were young lovers, rather than living together as a family. For years Ryan had shied away from being touched, never wanting to allow anyone to be close enough to harm. Somehow Jenti simply came close, so uncomplicatedly open, it just seemed right. Her guilelessness made him feel secure, and protective—feelings that were usually contradictory for him.

The two had not been intimate beyond their physically affectionate cuddling. He had not allowed his hands to wander, as they wanted to. He could tell that Jenti was interested, sometimes if they were alone and snuggling at night, kissing softly, she would run her hands down his shoulders to his hands, and he could tell that she wanted to lay on top of him, and feel his entire body. He found subtle ways to dissuade, but he knew the day was coming soon that they would have to talk about it, especially if he were to make sure that she did not misread him and think that he was rejecting her. 

If she only knew how much he wanted her. He often dreamt of cupping her breasts with his palms, squeezing the soft orbs and opening his mouth wide to suck a nipple into his mouth. He wanted to explore her entire body, hold her tightly to him and press himself against her from head to toe. Just recently, he dreamt of plunging his cock deep inside her warm, wet body and the dream was so vivid that he came in his pants, like raw youngster. Thankfully, Jenti had already risen for the day and was getting the children up for breakfast, or she would know. 

What would he tell her? What could he tell her? She would not understand that he was afraid of harming her, that he had visions of violence spring into his mind like lightening bugs popping their presence into warm summer nights. He both deeply desired to physically join with Jenti, and simultaneously he felt ashamed, sullied, forsaken. He knew it was irrational, but he did not want to taint her with the traces of his past misdeeds . At the same time, he felt her love and desire, and knew it was wrong to keep himself from her. She deserved to have all that she was seeking. 

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬_____________________________________________________________________________


	2. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan, inadvertently, makes his feelings about Jenti known.

Ryan spooned Jenti in the soft warm night, slowly rubbing his growing erection against her backside and lower back. Each slow push brought a low murmur forth, he couldn’t tell in his sleepy haze if the murmur was hers or his. He vaguely wondered when he had gotten entirely naked, usually he wore sleep shorts, but he could feel the soft silk of her nightgown directly against his cock, sliding easily. Each drag slowly moved her slip of a gown upwards, and suddenly he felt the wonderful sensation of her skin against his cock. This brought a rush of thickening, and he sensed that precum was about to start. He snaked his right arm underneath her back, pulling her tightly to his chest. The slight backward angle of their connection allowed her head to rest just under his chin, and he found that his right hand perfectly aligned with her left breast. He squeezed her sumptuous flesh through the gown, feeling the stark contrast of her erect nipple against his palm. Slowly, his cock rubbing against her lower back and upper buttocks, and his hand gently squeezing her breast, began to synchronize. 

He brought his left hand to her hip, feeling the heat from her body, and he pulled her even tighter against his cock, reveling in the pressure. He rubbed small circles against her hipbone, registering that she was naked underneath her soft gown. On the next drag against and up with his cock, he angled his hips so that the head of his cock met the slight resistance of her upper buttocks, leaving a slight bead of precum just at the smooth flesh where her back met her gorgeous ass. He shifted lower, so that his cock slightly dug into the space between her smooth cheeks, all the while rhythmically pulling her hip into his groin. This new angle allowed him to use his lips on her left earlobe, gently licking and sucking her ear. Her low moaned gasp brought a frisson of electricity to his whole body, and his left hand moved without his even having consciously thought about it, to grasp the mound of her pussy, gently squeezing near the top where he knew her clitoris would respond. She had shaved, her flesh was smooth and silky as the rest of her supple skin. His middle finger gently probed the lips of her pussy, finding them damp with the evidence of her arousal. 

Now Jenti was actively undulating her lower back and hips against him, soon angling them so that his cock was sliding against the lower cleft of her buttocks, while simultaneously twisting her left shoulder back toward him, bringing his right hand to rest on her right breast as she nearly lay atop him now. His cock slipped between her legs right at their juncture, as she slightly lifted her left leg up and back against him, opening for him. For several glorious minutes, they simply undulated against each other, he using his hands to push her gown up and off and to caress her entire chest and neck, she exerting a bit of squeezing pressure so that he was soon thrusting between her legs. This was exquisite torture, he could feel her slickness coating the top of his cock, and her legs and buttocks created a wonderful simulation of being inside her, only for his cockhead to protrude out the front of her legs and meet the air—cold in contrast to the heat of her core. 

With her right hand, Jenti reached up and back and ran her hand through his hair, gently scratching his scalp and slightly tugging the hair at the base of his neck. Her barely audible moans, and occasional higher pitched noises, brought his cock to an even harder level of readiness. He began to worry that he might cum between her thighs, and when her left hand reached down, rubbing the head of his cock each time he thrust through to the front, he gasped and moaned low against her ear. “Jenti”, he moaned, “I need to be inside you”. He could feel her nodding against him, agreeing. He paused his thrusting, gathering his resolve, letting his ardor cool a bit. With his cock nestled between her thighs, her left hand still caressing the tip, he gently pushed his left middle finger inside her, dragging it up against her clitoris during each retraction. 

Her slickness was excellently smooth, and he soon pushed 2 fingers inside, angling and curling them up against the roof of her tunnel while squeezing and pressing with his palm against her clit. Her response was to moan against him, momentarily pausing all of her other movements, as though focused only on the sensations generated by his slow penetration and clitoral stimulation. She was pushing and undulating against his hand now, subtly signaling him to speed his movements. He added a 3rd finger, and angling so that his thumb was pressing directly against her clit, now fully engorged and protruding slightly outside her labia. Each time he pulled his fingers out, his thumb pressed and slid from the root of her clitoris up over its head, causing Jenti to arch herself into his hand. He did not waver in his rhythm now, but her increasing bucking served to speed up his movements. “Faster”, she gasped against his neck, where he was curled around her. He complied, speeding his movements and exerting a slight increase in pressure with his thumb on her clit, now circling the head on the up movement before bringing it to bear with steady pressure on the downstroke. Jenti slightly swiveled her hips, pressing herself against his hand and thumb, her swollen pussy lips now fully open to him. He felt her lips at his neck, gently sucking and licking, opening her mouth wide against him and moaning—both of them experiencing full body electric sensations along their skin.

Ryan had forgotten about his cock, still buried between her thighs, as he felt and watched in the dim light, Jenti’s movements twerking against his groin and hand, faster and faster. His right hand and arm, still curled underneath and around her, pressed her against him tightly, and her nipples were stiff and distended against his palm. He wanted to open his mouth wide and suck as much of her breast as he could into his mouth, but the large difference in their heights did not allow this. He had to be content instead with squeezing her breasts and gently pulling her nipples in tandem with his fingers now plunging into her depths. He was astonished at how wet she was, how easily his fingers slid inside her yet how tight her pussy was against them. 

Suddenly, Jenti arched against him even further, her mouth open and eyes half lidded, and she came on his fingers. He did not waver in his movements, feeling her pussy clench and release with surprising power. He imagined how it would feel if she came on his cock, how her tight channel would feel forcefully gripping around him, and suddenly his orgasm erupted out of him, spilling between her thighs. Even then, he was so focused on elongating her pleasure, he was only dimly aware of the rhythmic gushing from his cock. Soon, she grabbed his hand with her left hand, stilling his movements, his fingers still buried deep inside, his thumb pressed on her clit. She gripped his thumb with her hand, needing him to stop pressing her clit, now extremely sensitive. She snuggled her entire body back against him, turning her face to plunge her tongue into the corner of his open and panting mouth, moaning and smiling against him. 

He pulled his hand from between her legs, banding his arms around her tightly, wanting even more closeness, cradling her against him….” Love you, love you so much it hurts, Jenti” murmured low against her temple. Her hair was soft against his chin and neck, smelling of flowers and musk. 

Ryan bolted up from the bed, adrenalized awareness of movement in the doorway bringing him to a fully awake state so quickly that his heart felt as though it would break his chest apart. Leaning against the frame of the door, one hand holding a glass of water, Jenti stood watching him in the dim light from the moonlit night outside. Her facial expression was one of surprise, and something else…passionate hunger? Suddenly, Ryan was aware…he was clutching her pillow against himself, and then he noticed the wetness on his thighs, inside his sleep shorts. As clarity dawned, he felt his entire body flush, and his cheeks and neck reddened intensely. It had been a literally wet dream, and Jenti had apparently been watching him have it all. As he ducked his head, unable to keep eye contact, feeling shame and anxiety, he heard her murmur “You want me. You do want me”, smiling, as if to herself. Her expression shifted to a joyful openness, almost innocent if not for the blown pupils and eager glances at his now deflating cock.  
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End file.
